Things that happened since my previous post:

1) I broke a nail
2) I discovered that “California Pizza Kitchen” brand pizza is actually pretty lousy, despite the tantalizing picture on the box
3) The crack in my windshield has started spreading
4) The washer works, but the dryer is broken
5) I have NOT yet caught the swine flu, have not had the vaccine, and am still waiting for SARS and the bird flu to arrive. Must be they’re not available in my area.
6) I have gotten used to wearing my new bifocals, and am almost comfortable with the idea of being an old lady. Well, maybe not.
7) Speaking of which, I’m going to turn 40 in January, and have no idea how to politely explain to people that I really, honestly, truly DON’T want them to do anything for me. Seriously. Please. Nothing.
8.) My eyebrow itches.

Have a good weekend, everybody.
I’ll try to post sooner next time.

2. Heavy Uranium Huts

3. Hasselhoff’s Ultimate Haircut

4. Halitosis = Unpleasant Hello

5. Huge Unprecedented Headache

Little kids never seem to really WANT to take naps; they whine about it even if they really are tired.
Adults sometimes take naps on purpose.
Older folks have naps spontaneously “happen” to them.

I’m becoming increasingly more likely to belong to that third group. Every afternoon I get so sleepy that I would love to just curl up and take a nap.
This afternoon when I got home, I thought I’d just lie down and rest for awhile– and the next thing I knew, it was 7:00 in the evening.

As the years progress, I will be napping more and more often.

Before you assume I’ve taken that big “Final” nap, please poke me a few times with a stick to make sure I really am dead.

If I’m not, be prepared to hear me complain about being poked with a stick.

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Penguins On Prozac
Poppies Ogling Peonies
Perhaps Onions Pollute
Palpate Olives Privately
Pretend Ohio’s Perplexed
Pie? Ohhhh! Please!!!
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You’ve all probably heard the old joke about April Showers:

Q: If April showers bring May flowers, what do Mayflowers bring?

A: Pilgrims!

(*pause for groan*)

I appreciate the whole idea of knowing the precipitation in advance, but it would be nice if months could bring things I actually use.

For example, September could bring Belgian chocolate cheesecake.

June could bring comfy new sandals that actually fit my feet.

December could bring wads of fifty-dollar bills.

I hope there’s a month that brings Johnny Depp.

That would really be useful.

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You may want to start buying stock in Kleenex, Excedrin, and Aquafina.
And, if I end up making it to the store this afternoon (ha!), possibly Halls cough drops as well.

I haven’t been outdoors since Friday, when I got to leave work early because I felt so lousy.

Here’s hoping it still looks the same.
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I’m sorry I’ve been terrible about posting lately.

I haven’t forgotten this little section of cyberspace.  Really I haven’t.
In fact, it’s part of that perpetual “to do” list we all have.
You know what I mean:

1.  Do laundry
2.  Wear pants
3.  Scoop litter box
4.  Buy socks
5.  Figure out what that smell is
6.  Post something on Jantics
7.  Write letter to Taco Bell asking them to please bring back the Cheesy Gordita Crunch.

I don’t always make it all the way down to the bottom of the list.

Plus, soon the list will be even longer, with things like “Complain about the summer heat” and “search for a place that sells Michigan blueberries”.

Last night I dreamed I found a place that sold blueberries as big as plums.
It felt vaguely familiar, as if I’ve dreamed about it before.
I can almost taste them.

Anyway, please stick around, don’t give up on me.
I’m still here.

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