I’m still alive!
I’m sorry I’ve been terrible about posting lately.
I haven’t forgotten this little section of cyberspace. Really I haven’t.
In fact, it’s part of that perpetual “to do” list we all have.
You know what I mean:
1. Do laundry
2. Wear pants
3. Scoop litter box
4. Buy socks
5. Figure out what that smell is
6. Post something on Jantics
7. Write letter to Taco Bell asking them to please bring back the Cheesy Gordita Crunch.
I don’t always make it all the way down to the bottom of the list.
Plus, soon the list will be even longer, with things like “Complain about the summer heat” and “search for a place that sells Michigan blueberries”.
Last night I dreamed I found a place that sold blueberries as big as plums.
It felt vaguely familiar, as if I’ve dreamed about it before.
I can almost taste them.
Anyway, please stick around, don’t give up on me.
I’m still here.
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1. Well, Another Rhinoceros Migrates…
2. We’re All Really Miserable
3. Why Are Raisins Moldy?
4. Wayne Ate, Rapidly Munching
5. White And Red = Mauve
6. Wisconsin Almost Reminds Me….
7. Whose Ancient Ruins? Mine?
8. Watch A Rotting Muskrat
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I’m pleased to announce that the gardening catalogs have finally given up on me.
They’ve figured out that as much as I love looking at pretty plants, I will inevitably end up killing them.
It’s happened more than once. I’ll look through the pretty pictures and decide I want a beautiful garden of this or that, edged by this or that, with delightful accents of this or that. I’ll order stuff, plant it with all the love I can muster, and wait.
Nothing ever looks the same as it does in the catalog.
Nothing ever survives through the end of the season.
So I gave up.
For years afterward, the catalogs would still continue to arrive nonetheless.
This year they finally seem to have stopped.
Perhaps the plant manufacturers are trying to save on postage costs, and part of their plan is to stop mailing catalogs to serial plant killers.
It’s a good plan.
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I wish chickens were all pretty colors, like parrots and macaws. We could admire their beautiful blues and yellows and greens and reds…
And then we could choose beautiful dipping sauces for them.
Because, let’s face it, they would still be delicious deep-fried.
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1. “So, wait, HOW many gerbils are missing now?”
2. “My new girlfriend looks just like Pauly Shore! See?”
3. “Here, try this. I just found it next to the cat.”
4. “Have you seen my new underwear stain?”
5. “But Mildred LIKES making Chex Mix with Brussels Sprouts!”
6. “When the police get here, tell them my name is Fluffy.”
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Five Random Thoughts Involving Fire:
1. I wonder how many times people put flaming bags of dog poop on porches last year.
2. If you worked at McDonalds, would you get fired if you brought a Whopper for lunch?
3. How much gunpowder would you have to mix into a cup of yogurt before it would be combustible?
4. It’s been at least ten years since I roasted a marshmallow over a campfire. Suddenly I feel deprived.
5. Was I the only one who thought Barney The Dinosaur needed to get hit by a giant flaming meteor?
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Today Morgen (from It’s A Blog Eat Blog World) turns 42! Go say hi!
Five random memories of Morgen:
1. When he explained the proper way to pronounce “Watervliet”
2. When he was trying to figure out what kind of canine was attacking his chickens
3. Visiting him for lunch in Dowagiac many times, greatly admiring his laptop computer which was worlds better than any techno-thing I owned
4. Walking along the beach of Lake Michigan, looking for interesting rocks on the shore
5. Tasting the pomegranate juice and green tea he mixed up for me the last time I visited
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Everyone seems to have a different idea of what good candy is.
Imagine you got a big box of a variety of chocolates. The giant heart-shaped box that all “good” boyfriends buy, along with at least a dozen roses and a handwritten love letter detailing the highlights of his exquisite love for you even when you’re sick with the flu and look like a dying alien.
Not that I would know anything about any of that.
Anyway, let’s say you pick up one of the chocolates at random and bite into it.
What kind are you hoping for?
What kind are you hoping you don’t get?
I, personally, love the orange creams, orange jellies, raspberry jellies, and fudge truffles. I also enjoy a really good salty intense peanut butter.
Caramel is “ok,” as are lemon creams, marshmallow, and salty pecan clusters.
I do not particularly enjoy coconut, chopped walnut gunk, plain boring nougaty fluff, or white chocolate.
Other people’s preferences can be just the opposite. My mom, for example, loves caramel the best.
What about you?
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Kyle#2 helped me to beat my printer into shape, so it actually works now!
He did all this remotely, from some site I’ve already forgotten the name of.
Of course, this means if he really wants to, he can probably steal my identity and plagiarize everything I’ve ever written.
Let’s try not to think about that part.
Thanks, also, to those of you who left comments on my previous post in an attempt to help when my patience was wearing so thin. We should all get together and have tea and cookies sometime.
I’ll be the one wearing all the cat hair.
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