Jantics

1. Give it to me. All of it. Right now. In unmarked, unsequential bills, preferably 20′s and 50′s, packed in an attractive set of luggage and left on my front porch.

2. Start a clinic for blogging addicts. Oh, you wouldn’t be able to CURE us, but you could at least make us comfortable.

3. Overthrow the government and replace all of Washington’s current administration with bloggers. (Morgen might make a great President! How do we know unless he tries?)

4. Pay me $500 for every post where I refrain from discussing my farts.

5. Buy me a gorgeous fountain pen.   Or two.  Or maybe five.  With ink.

6. Fix my broken washing machine.

7. Buy me dinner.

8. Send all my friends (and me) on a 2-week vacation to the spa of our choice, which includes excellent massages by sexy assistants named “Bambi” and/or “Pierre”.

9. Promote legislation which would outlaw talking in movie theaters, making it a crime punishable by either (A) seven million dollars, or (B) death, depending on the severity of the offense.

10. Send thank-you notes to all the people who did NOT tailgate me this week, along with a few coupons to Arby’s and some free condom samples.
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